Tag Archives: Tatiana Flowers

My Healing Powers by Tatiana Flowers

My healing powers would be infinite. They would work quickly and efficiently, and most importantly, painlessly. I know there isn’t just one part of my body that’s affected but what I’d heal first is my hair.

It’s pretty materialistic, or rather vain for me to care more about my bald spots than my actual illness, but it’s what I see first. My hair has always been one of my prettiest assets, so for more than half of it to have fallen out as a result of my illness, it’s quite shocking. My healing powers would have it go back to the way it exactly was, not longer, not shorter. They would look something like a cloudy air pocket that I would hold. I’d place it right around my head, and voila! It would be all back!

But I can’t help but realize I’d have to help the inside of my body too. I’d stop my immune system from overworking, and I’d rid my body of all my chronic aches and pains.

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No U-Turn by Tatiana Flowers

I think about it this way, because if you think about it, things will never go back to the way they were before all of this happened. I mean, the day after I graduated, my grandmother-an important part of my life-was diagnosed with one of the most aggressive cancers there is known to man. Here I was, thinking I’d be able to live the coming months in my own glory, looking for jobs in other parts of the country, or even the rest of the world, enjoying my success after graduating from a top tier university. But that was not the case, and actually, it never will be, because we have no control over what happens. That’s where “NO U-TURN” comes into play.

As a matter of fact, they say bad news comes in three’s. Just two months later, I was diagnosed with Lupus-an autoimmune disease that can become life altering if left undetected or out of control…and expensive nonetheless. Just at 22, I’m dealing with all of these things. But the good thing about “NO U-TURN” is that you have to keep pushing on, and I’d like to think “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”

So now I bet you’re wondering, “Well, what’s the third thing?” Well, today, actually, my mom is in the doctor’s office having a retest for a mammography she had just last week. A few minutes ago, she sent me a text saying how she needs a biopsy. Lord only knows what this could mean.

I try to be positive because that’s all you can do. But we all know cancer is hereditary, and it sure is silly!

But if this is in fact the third bad piece of news, I can look forward to no more bad news. And hopefully there is “NO U-TURN” because I’d hate to see this cycle start all over again.

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Fear of Lupus by Tatiana Flowers

Fear of the upcoming heart scan
Fear of all the medical bills
Fear of mom worrying all the time
Fear of what it did to grandma when I told her
Fear of the upcoming chronic pain
Fear more hair will fall out
Fear I’ll have a flare up
Fear they won’t be able to do anything about it
Fear I’ll suffer the after effects
Fear I won’t be able to have kids
Fear I won’t be able to afford it
Fear it will be compared to AIDS
Fear I will be judged
Fear my job will find out and I won’t get a full time position
Fear because this is the time where it’s supposed to be most dangerous
Fear because it’s hereditary
Fear I won’t be able to keep up
Fear no one else will understand my pain
Fear of fearing this many things
Fear there isn’t enough research
Fear there’s no cure
Fear that I got it such a young age
Fear that I hate fear this much

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